loosen it up

I was playing Frisbee yesterday for the first time in quite a while. It was unusally hot for Seattle, and I have not been diligent in drinking water, and thus ended the day fairly dehydrated. But apparently I gave off more than just a "I want to sit down and never get up again" vibe.

For most of my grown-up life (or at least since like 7th grade), I always have people asking me the dreaded question.: "Are you OK?" Once in a while, it's justified because I'm clearly preoccupied or struggling with something. But most of the time, it worries me more than it helps. For some reason I am often seen as distant, or anxious. And it's always at times when the question couldn't be less warranted. I've always struggled with getting my facial expressions to imulate my state of mind, but I try to show happiness when I'm happy, contentment when I'm content. A lot of it comes from a struggle in high school to get over certain people that told me "everyone thinks you're a bitch" and "you're so uptight all the time." I try to just let loose and live life. I try to be silly when it's called for, and serious when it's appropriate. I try to live in the moment, because I've learned it's a waste of energy to do anything otherwise.

But still, I get questions about my state of mind or emotional worries. Don't get me wrong: usually I appreciate that I have people in my life that are paying attention and invested in my well being. But it still makes me wonder why I cannot seem to come off as happy, or at least as not worried about something, when I really am just being myself to the best degree I know how.