a partial transcript

Quotes from my dad watching his first-ever episode of The Bachelorette:

-"He could've saved so much money and just told her over the damn phone."

-"No guy talks like that. He sounds like a woman" (in reference to Chris Harrison).

-"Oh, well...wait why is this the most important decision of her life? I must've missed something."

-"Who are these people? What, they're parents are just footing the bill for them to fly wherever they want? This is ludicrous."

-"giggling." Literally giggling, not saying the word. That's a first I think.

(impersonating Frank): "you know, I got another broad. Deal with it."

-"You can do it, cry for the camera. There you go, you can do it. Everyone loves some good tears...you're getting paid to do that for another 10 minutes, so you better keep it up."

(impersonating Ali): "No, you can do this I totally understand. I got an ex-boyfriend back home waiting for this paycheck, too."

-"Oh, there's other fish to fry, lady. You'll be fine."